Friday, July 31, 2009

Seeking a Grant

Four weeks here and I figured I was safe. The blackflies I'd heard so much about either didn't like my blood, or I didn't react to the bites. I was in the clear.


Wrong.


This morning, the back of my neck feels like a braille beginner book. Great big bumps and lots of them. It's like the blackflies had a party and everyone was invited. Drinks on me.


But hey, I was warned. I just didn't listen. I was told the most popular cologne for men, women and children in Thompson is Muskol. I chose not to wear that divine scent.


It occurred to me, however, that I'd had a couple of shots last night before I went for our little walk in the great outdoors. And this was the first time I got chewed. So I've got to ask myself, why? Is it possible that the blackflies in Thompson are alcoholics? It would stand to reason. After all, I'm sure at least 50 per cent of the people they bite are hammered. So maybe they've become accustomed to the buzz. Maybe last night, with a little alcohol in my system, I did in fact become an open bar. And an open bar in Thompson is just asking for trouble.


I think this is worth a little more study - strictly for scientific purposes, you understand. In fact, I think I'll apply for a grant from the Canadian government, as well as the Manitoba government for my research.


Let's see, a 15-pack a week, 52 weeks, tylenol, expenses . . . $100,000 should do it. Makes about as much sense as some of the other studies I've seen funded by the good folks spending your tax dollars. I'll get started on the paperwork.


Anyway, today's garage sale day. Must get rid of some of the surplus that resulted from, or was discovered during, the move. Nice chance to meet the neighbours too. And who knows? If it's a nice sunny day, maybe I can convince a few of them to join me in a little research.

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