Dyson and the Dusties

"To infinity and beyond!"

Friggin' Toy Story. Now that I've hidden the Sears' Christmas Wish Book, I hear the above from Sonwun more than I'd like. It is usually preceding a loud thump as he leaps from a couch, chair, picnic table, porch or bed in an attempt to fly.

And like Buzz Lightyear, the best he can hope for is to fall, with style. If not, it's: "To infinity and beyond" . . . thump . . . "waaahhhhhaahhhhhh . . . Daddeeeeeee!"

I think if I ever get asked for a movie idea by the good folks at Pixar, I'm going to suggest a primary character that cleans his room, with style and a catch phrase. If the kid's got to imitate what he sees in his movies, why not something useful.

Why not Dyson and the Dust Rhinos? We've got cross promotion with that nice Swedish guy and his cyclonic vacuum and we've got a couple of fun-loving, yet misguided rhinoceroses (rhinoceri?) who insist on making a mess. (They could be voiced by Rosie O'Donnell and Kirstie Alley!)

Our young hero, Dyson, will be trapped in his room every morning after the nocturnally active rhinos take advantage of the clothes and toys left strewn about the floor, devouring some of the mess to create a Megamess (trademark pending).

To escape his room, Dyson will have to enlist the help of his friends, Mr. Clean and Penelope Pledge (who has a lovely lemon scent that drives Dyson wild) to restore cleanliness in his world. Oh, the product placement, the merchandising dollars are just dancing here! McDonald's will be giving away little vacuum cleaners with every happy meal.

In the end, when young Dyson learns to pick up after himself, Megamesses (trademark pending) are no longer a problem and the Dust Rhinos are starving. And that's when a cute little Dust Bunny (obviously played by the charming and vivacious Valerie Bertenelli), saves the Rhinos and turns them from their evil ways by teaching them to eat more sensibly with the help of her bunny friend Jenny Craig. More merchandising, more product placement, more money!

But a catch phrase is what we really need here. Something that will inspire preschoolers world-wide to clean their rooms, every day.

Yippee kay yay mothermessers, ala Bruce Willis in Die Hard?

Do ya feel messy today? Well do ya, punk! (While holding a Dyson Animal over a Dust Rhino's head)

Hasta la vista, dusty?

We're gonna need a bigger mop! (Jaws)

I crap bigger than you. (City Slickers . . . okay, maybe not appropriate)

I love the smell of windex in the morning!

Brushes? We don't need no stinking brushes?

Well, it's a work in progress. Let me know if you come up with a catchphrase that will both inspire kids to clean their rooms, and make me gobs of cash. Both are important.

In the meantime, I am working with Sonwun by encouraging him to pick up two items and put them away each time before he leaves his room. It's a start and, by the time my movie comes out in four or five years, most of the stuff should be off the floor.

For now, I am sensing, with my nose, that Sontoo is in need of assistance. Seems he's decorated his diaper with his take on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Doodie calls.

Mommy's home in one day, three hours and 37 minutes!