Almost fell for it . . .

You almost got me. I almost left my brain in park and bought one of your fancy machines. After all, I need a delayed start of up to 20 hours. I need a steam-treat option. I need a self-cleaning detergent dispenser. I need the water level to adjust automatically according to load.

Bullshit.

All I need is a machine to wash my clothes.

Yes, our washing machine finally bit the big one. It's been dying now for about three months and, during that time, the wife and I have been checking out replacement options. And, of course, we've been looking at those colourful, sexy, $1,500 to $2,000 front-loading models. (I can't believe I just called a washing machine sexy. Time to get out of the house and shoot something, drink beer and play sports. My man card is in danger of revocation.)

But they really look nice, don't they. Gone is that awful white or beige metal. It's been replaced by colours like "twilight, truffle and chai." And, in defence of my man card, I'm not even sure which of those colours is which. I think the blue one is kinda cool though.

They've got digital read-outs, so you can sit in the basement, watch the machine and know exactly what it's up to, where the water level is, how warm the water is and the current price of shares in Apple and Chrysler. It's got six temperature options, six speed selections and 12 washing programs. And they just wouldn't be complete without the matching $250 drawer/stand to sit on. They will look sooooo nice in the corner of the dark, dingy basement.

Okay, step back and reactivate the brain. Do I really need any of this crap? No. I need a washing machine. I need three temperatures - warm, cold, hot. I need one or two washing programs (regular stuff, delicate stuff) and I need the damn thing to work. That, my friends, is all.

I am perfectly capable of setting the water level manually. I'm not sure why anyone would need a 20-hour delayed start. When I'm doing laundry, I want it done now. Not tomorrow. And I wouldn't begin to know what to do with the steam-treat option.

And, for the price of two of the drawer/stand units, I can have all of that.

With these things in my now-clear mind, I headed out to Sears this morning, found a perfectly good, top-loading washer and bought it. I saved about $1,200 over what I would have spent on the sexy front-loader, and it will be delivered this afternoon. The guy even told me he'd help pull the old washer out of the basement and help me load it into my truck for the trip to the dump.

So in case you're reading this honey, the good news is we have a new washing machine. The bad news is that it doesn't have a 20-hour delayed start. See you in eight days, one hour and one minute.

Oh, and P.S.

I'm not sure why the Bad Daddy post ended up in September, 2009. It's an older entry from my time in Gimli. And, for whatever reason, it moved itself to September.