Oh, the power, the prestige, the possibilities. What do I take on first? Health care? H1N1 vaccinations? Mideast peace talks? Getting the fifth dentist to cave and recommend Trident sugarless gum?
I'm just awash in the potential.
Yesterday, after only four visits to the Thompson Parents and Tots playgroup, I have been named . . . wait for it . . . vice president. You may all take a moment to drink that in. Pause and reflect on my opportunity to shape the world. And don't worry, I will remember the little people who have helped me claw my way to this upper echelon of playgroup status.
Okay, I know I got suckered. I mean really, I just moved here, I've attended this group four times, there are at least 30 other parents who attend regularly. I'm left with three possible explanations for my rise to power.
1. Nobody gives a rat's ass.
2. They saw me coming a mile away with "sucker" written on my forehead.
3. They recognized my innate leadership potential in that very short time and knew I was the man to help lead Thompson Parents and Tots into the new future.
I will continue to delude myself into believing the latter.
President Bobbi approached me yesterday, said she'd noticed I'd been coming regularly and asked if I planned to continue. Red lights and warning sirens were going off in my head immediately. But I said, yes. And then I asked where this was headed.
She got right to the point. There was an opening for VP and, I guess because I can carry some of the heavier toys and equipment, I was offered the job.
Having served on boards and committees in the past, back when I was working at the newspaper, I had a lot of questions.
"When do we meet?"
"Well, we really don't, all that often."
"Is this a legally incorporated body; are we a registered charity?"
"Um, no."
"What is my liability here if little Timmy smashes his teeth out on the slide?"
"Um, I think we're covered by the Rec Centre, but I'm not sure."
"So what exactly is my role here?"
"Well, we give you a set of keys and if no one else is here, you can open the door to the toy cupboard."
"Wow."
"And we have, well, sort of a meeting this Saturday at 7:30 when we'll be getting together to clean the toys. Are you free?"
"Wow."
My vision of world-changing power fading, I agreed. Hey, someone's gotta do it and, in a way, I'm helping to fight the spread of H1N1, runny noses and dirty hands.
However, at this first meeting, I will strongly be suggesting we take a real hard look at incorporation and liability. Call me a cock-eyed pessimist, but it only takes one little accident and one litigious parent to ruin the fun and take my house. As much as I'd like to believe in a world where parents recognize that kids have accidents and no one is to blame, I have a slightly more cynical, realistic view of the planet and its people.
And there's gotta be one lawyer in Thompson who's willing to put in a little pro bono work for a kids' group, right?
For now, I will clean toys. I'll leave the peace talks in the Middle East on the back burner, for now. I'll let the twits in Ottawa deal with health care and that fifth dentist will continue to recommend another gum for his patients who chew gum, unabated.
This, I guess, is just a part of the parent thing. Get involved, help to make the activities your children enjoy more enjoyable. And I know it's just the beginning. There will be chocolate bar sales when they get into sports, PTA meetings when they get to school and bail to post when I get that late-night call from the police station.
So this is just the start of my Daddy resume. And hey, VP is a pretty good place to start, even if it actually means Virus Protection by way of cleaning a bunch of toys.
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