I'm Taking Orders

Well, that wasn't easy. But I didn't think it would be.

For the first time in my life, and, more to the point, for the first time in Sonwun's life, I have dropped him off somewhere and left. I don't like the feeling. Even though it's nap time right now and he'd be sleeping if he were here, I miss him.

I console myself in the belief that he is pretty happy right now. He has been talking about going to preschool now for a week. And it's always in glowing terms. He couldn't wait to put on his coat after lunch and head for the van. He had no idea where he was going, but he wanted to get there.

He didn't know where, geographically, the school was, but he knew there was a slide, crafts and kids his age to play with. The latter is the biggie. Due in part to our RCMP lifestyle and, in part, to having lived "out in the country" at our last post, Sonwun has not had a neighbourhood full of kids to hang out with. At preschool, he does and it's a good thing.

Bah! Enough about the past and whining.

So, the first thing I'm handed upon arrival is our first fundraising assignment. I think this goes to Neomom. She's got an office full of victims and I sure as hell am not going door-to-door with this one.

Sure, I'm relatively new on the fundraising front, but the package they handed me pisses me off. It's basically an order form and some descriptions of items the victims are supposed to order. No pictures of the product, no catalogue. Just read the paper and buy something, okay?

So I'm a little curious as to what we're expected to hawk on unsuspecting friends and co-workers. When in doubt, check on line. One moment please.

Okay, I expected a web page for Scoop-a-Lot Fundraiser. (Oh, and considering that most of the stuff on the product is not usually considered "scoopable" I assume the name refers mainly to the 40 per cent profit the preschool is supposed to scoop up. Which doesn't leave me much faith in the product.)

Honestly, I was hoping for a website with pictures of the merchandise. Something to which I could refer potential victims. But no. I can find only a Yellowpages listing and a google map to the headquarters in Beausejour, MB. Didn't even find any reviews on the products or the company.

I went through this fundraising fiesta once before, when I signed Sonwun up for skating lessons. The first night, they handed me a box of chocolate bars and chocolate-covered almonds. No please, no thank-you, no explanation. Just go sell this stuff and return the cash. Go. Now!

Fine, I guess it's part of the game. But at least with the skating fundraiser, it was a one-time transaction. Here's the product, here's the price, you decide. At the time, I was tending bar, so I just set the stuff up there on the bar and sold my share in no time. The dope-smokers on poker night cleaned out the box in no time. No problem.

But I really don't like this order-form shit. Um, I can't show you a picture of the product, I know nothing about it, but order something and it'll get here, um, sometime down the road. I realize you've got the munchies NOW, but I can't help you with that.

In any case, the products range from specialty teas and coffees to spices, marinades, popcorn seasoning, soup and gravy mix, pre-portioned cookie dough and frozen stuff like croissants, pork chops and lean ground beef. They pretty much cover the grocery list and then some. Looks like just under 300 different products. Take your time, look it over, I'll just stand here in your front hallway for half an hour while you decide.

I am just not impressed at all. Oh, and to top it all off, at the top of the order form: "Thanks-A-Lot from Kiddies Northern Pre-School."

I'll let the "Thanks-A-Lot" go as a play on the "Scoop-A-Lot" products, but "Pre-School???" It's Preschool dammit! It's not hyphenated! You're supposed to be educating my child. Put a little fucking effort into it. Please!

Okay, I'm cooling off. Forty-five minutes to go until I pick him up again and, hopefully, hear all about his day. I really am looking forward to it.

And, you know, I don't want to be the annoying parent who doesn't simply go along with the program. But the further we go into "the system" the more I find myself being exactly that. I mean really, could we not find another, more simple fundraiser? Could we not do something just a little less time-consuming and a little less annoying?

I've lived in this city now for just under four months now. I've had numerous kids at my door selling crap for this organization or that school. I've had kids show up at my door with catalogues. I don't want to order anything for your fundraiser. I'd like to help, but I'm not putting out a bunch of money for something I'm not going to see for a month and don't really need in the first place. I'll buy your freakin' chocolate bars, again, because I want to help and, mostly, because it's a couple of bucks and it's done. End of story. And someone here will eat the damn chocolate.

Okay, I'm done. Rant complete. Blood pressure returning to normal.

Have a nice day.