Evil Bitty

As a parent, I hate to admit it. But there are some toddlers in this world who really piss me off.

And no, I'm not talking about my own. I'm talking about little Bitty at playgroup. And I hate to admit that she pisses me off because, well, she's just a toddler.

Bitty is about three years old, maybe two and change. But she's got a nasty little streak in her that rears its ugly head just about every time out.

Bitty, by the way, is short for Bitch In Training-t-y.

Like most little toddlers, she has a deceptively angelic face. Sweet kid, you think, when you first see her. But then you start watching. And you see that behind those angelic little eyes, there lurks a less-than-angelic mind. And it seems to always be thinking, "How can I make life miserable for my peers?"

This little bugger pissed me off for the first time a few weeks ago. Sontoo was happily doing what he does best at playgroup. He had gathered three Matchbox cars and was pushing them around, carrying them around and finding places to drive them around.

Well, Bitty saw this and decided she needed to get involved. And she didn't want just one of the cars. She wanted all of them. And she didn't want to play with them, she just wanted to take them, run away and hide them . . . for no other reason than to deprive Sontoo of his fun.

She grabbed those cars, one by one, and then tried to run. But she dropped one. Now you might think, well, she still got two of them. It will still make Sontoo unhappy. But no. Bitty stopped short, turned around and ran back to collect the one she'd dropped, and then dashed off again. Two-thirds miserable is not good enough. She was looking for a complete morale-crushing victory and would not be denied.

And I've watched her before. I know she has no interest in playing with cars. Her only interest, it seems, is depriving other toddlers of the things that they enjoy.

At our most recent playgroup outing, I was keeping a closer eye on Bitty. This kind of evil intrigues me.

The toy chest at playgroup includes a dozen or so little Flintstone-style cars. The kids get in and move around using their feet. And last time out, I spotted Bitty sitting in one that is designed to look like a police car. Interesting choice. I watched. She wasn't driving around like the other children. She was just sitting there, studying her environment, seeking an opportunity, plotting. And then she saw it. Another toddler started to walk behind the car. I could see her little wheels turning, her mind calculating the precise moment to push backward with all her little might, and run over the other kid.

Well, she didn't actually run him over, but she did knock him down. Mission accomplished, exit vehicle, head for the hills.

About half an hour later, I spotted her again. This time she was at the slide. Was she sliding? Hell no. That's not what she's about. She was sitting at the top of the slide, just sitting, while two kids were lined up on the ladder awaiting their turn to slide.

I know, you're thinking, Bitty Mission Accomplished. No one slides today. But no. Merely depriving the other children of the chance to slide was not the goal here. She sat, she waited and she waited some more.

And when the child behind her, about 18 months old I'm guessing, finally struggled to the top of the ladder (not an easy feat for this barely-a-toddler), Bitty leaned back as fast and violently as she could, attempting to knock the other little girl down the ladder.

And this, my friends, is the challenge at playgroup. You want to step in and get involved, explain to this nasty little child what is acceptable and what is not. But you know mommy's hanging around in here somewhere. Watching? I don't know, but I hope not. If she's watching, why isn't she swooping in, laying down a little tough love? My guess is she's not watching. She's chatting it up with her friends and has no idea that her little angel has progressed from simple theft to aggravated assault.

Nevertheless, I did get involved on that one. If only to catch the other little girl so that she didn't begin a domino effect on the slide stairs and on those waiting in line at the bottom of the stairs. I suggested to Bitty that she head on down the slide as other were waiting their turn.

I got a blank look in return. Behind the hollow, evil eyes, I could almost read her little mind.

"Aren't you the guy with the kid who likes cars? Maybe I'll just go see how he's doing . . ."

I actually got a chill.

Anyhoo, it's Wednesday. Playgroup day again. We'll be there and I'll be watching my back, watching Sontoo's back and trying to figure out who spawned this evil.

Have a great day.